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the insane world of mine
these few days i have been feeling like craps.and yet to recover.
poor ol' Jason suffers alongside with me,i mean...he is really suffering from my attitude and when i decided to turn mute.
i really have no idea if every graduates would feel as lost and confuse as i am.
you see..All of my life,im torn between who i WANNA be,who i AM,and who i MUST be.
like most of those livings out there,i wanna be unrestricted,do whatever i want and really live up my dream.
unfortunately it kinda contradicts with who i must be.
coz i feel very indebted to my parents and feel responsible for ,at least, being independent on my own.
so as much as i dun like it,i have to force myself outta that comfort zone and face the world on my own.
but who i am is totally a different thing altogether.
i see myself as a very...complicated person.i almost can see that there is 2 kind of persons functioning in me.(no..im not talking about those split personalities thing)
ok lets put it this way...
the one who is often talking to her friends,nice,sweet,never shows her temper to her friends,(not that im a hypocrite,but i really likes my friends) and can stand on my own is called Ling.
yet the one deep inside me...is like a young kiddo...who refuse to come in contact with her true feelings and feels threatened when being expose.she is one the one that cant talk and express what she wants,infact not knowing what she wants either.and that's Mich.
i know all these may sound a lil crazy to you folks,but really...that is how i really live my 19(getting 20) years of life.
Ling is the one that no one has to worry for her..at least not the one that her parents have to worry about.but when Ling breaks down...its where Mich comes to contact to the outside.
seriously Mich is well..how should i say.."programmed" to live like a normal person,despite how she really feels inside..coz she doesnt want her parents to worry esp,and let others know.
Jason has know too much of me..he has seen both Ling and Mich,and knows how the one inside me is.
a real coward and drawn back gal.
i really know how crazy these sounds,makes me like a lunatic.
i wish i know how to go about dealing it myself too.
Jason..i guess we shall stop meeting for this week.i need sometime for myself to sort out the screws in my head.
i just wish..whatever decisions i have come to make,you will support me.
love,
Ling
poor ol' Jason suffers alongside with me,i mean...he is really suffering from my attitude and when i decided to turn mute.
i really have no idea if every graduates would feel as lost and confuse as i am.
you see..All of my life,im torn between who i WANNA be,who i AM,and who i MUST be.
like most of those livings out there,i wanna be unrestricted,do whatever i want and really live up my dream.
unfortunately it kinda contradicts with who i must be.
coz i feel very indebted to my parents and feel responsible for ,at least, being independent on my own.
so as much as i dun like it,i have to force myself outta that comfort zone and face the world on my own.
but who i am is totally a different thing altogether.
i see myself as a very...complicated person.i almost can see that there is 2 kind of persons functioning in me.(no..im not talking about those split personalities thing)
ok lets put it this way...
the one who is often talking to her friends,nice,sweet,never shows her temper to her friends,(not that im a hypocrite,but i really likes my friends) and can stand on my own is called Ling.
yet the one deep inside me...is like a young kiddo...who refuse to come in contact with her true feelings and feels threatened when being expose.she is one the one that cant talk and express what she wants,infact not knowing what she wants either.and that's Mich.
i know all these may sound a lil crazy to you folks,but really...that is how i really live my 19(getting 20) years of life.
Ling is the one that no one has to worry for her..at least not the one that her parents have to worry about.but when Ling breaks down...its where Mich comes to contact to the outside.
seriously Mich is well..how should i say.."programmed" to live like a normal person,despite how she really feels inside..coz she doesnt want her parents to worry esp,and let others know.
Jason has know too much of me..he has seen both Ling and Mich,and knows how the one inside me is.
a real coward and drawn back gal.
i really know how crazy these sounds,makes me like a lunatic.
i wish i know how to go about dealing it myself too.
Jason..i guess we shall stop meeting for this week.i need sometime for myself to sort out the screws in my head.
i just wish..whatever decisions i have come to make,you will support me.
love,
Ling
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